I remember the day so clearly that I took that pregnancy test and the faintest pink line showed up. I had to immediately call your Auntie Shannon and make her double check I wasn't just dreaming, she confirmed it and I knew from that moment on my life would change. Telling your daddy was one of the scariest things I have ever done, I knew he would be excited but daddy is very logical. I knew he would worry about money since we had only just got married and wanted to buy a house. I handed him the test wrapped in a top that said "I love my daddy" he was so shocked. I had been telling him that it might take us some time to get pregnant but it took only a couple of months!! After he came to terms with his shock he too was so excited, he made me promise it would be him who taught you to ride a bike.
Those first few months were hard, I was pretty sick with all day nausea and I wanted to tell everyone about you. I was scared that we would lose you, I worried with every twitch that you were gone. I really had to learn to ask for and accept help during this time, I was too sick to even do our dishes and I hated it. One thing about momma is she is very strong willed, some times this is a good thing and other times not so much, I didn't want people to help, I wanted to do it all myself. It wasn't until my first scan that it really sank in that it wasn't about taking care of just you, I had to take care of myself to make sure that you were healthy and getting everything you need. I learnt over the next few months that slowing down and taking care of myself was important. I had to become ok with letting certain things go like having a spotless house and making sure everything is perfect. One thing i don't want for you is to be so hard on yourself, there is no such thing as perfect. I just want you to be happy, to not put so much pressure on yourself that you don't enjoy the little things in life. Momma has only learnt to do that because of you.
I remember the first time your daddy saw you at an ultrasound, I looked over at him and he wiped a tear from his eyes. Up until that point he had only seen how sick I was and at that ultrasound you were so very real to him. Daddy and I have been together since I was 16years old, we grow up together really. There were times it was hard work but I wouldn't change anything to do with our relationship for the world. So many of the important events in my life your daddy has been there for. I will never forget the moment he got down on one knee on the beach just out of Napier and asked me to be his wife, that he wanted to spend the rest of this life with me. I hope that you take after your daddy more than me. He is so thoughtful, smart, loving, stubborn and strong. He has been amazing for the whole time I have been pregnant with you. He will roll over every morning and put his hand on my belly to feel you move around(You are a morning person just like him) he thinks I'm asleep but I cherish these moments as i know we only have a small amount left. Our relationship has changed, sometimes it's hard. Momma hasn't had the best pregnancy, you have been perfect the whole time but I have had a few problems and haven't much felt like myself. I know I haven't given your dad as much attention as I used to and that has been hard for him. I think sometimes he feels like I don't love him as much as i did. He couldn't be more wrong though, watching him grow during the last 8 months has made me see parts of him I have never seen before. He is so protective of you already. As silly as it sounds he is a dad already, I feel like other dads don't act like a dad until they get to hold their child but your daddy is different. He has been involved every step of the way and even picked your first outfit! Part of me knows that our relationship will never go back to how it was because we have you now and sometimes I miss how we were but for the most part I cant wait to see how our relationship will evolve. I tear up just thinking about how sweet he is going to be with you. If you are a boy he will take you everywhere, climb trees, build with you and teach you all about cars. If you are a girl, my lord, he will be wrapped around your little finger. You bat an eyelid and he will give in. I'm sure you will find him over protective at times but he will only want the best for you. Don't forget he was a teenage boy at one point and believe me, he did some questionable things.
As I write this you are squirming around and yet again have hiccups, you get them all the time! With every movement I wonder what you will be like, where you will go in life and what you will do. Life is sometimes not fair or easy but I hope you can always see the light in a situation. I hope your daddy and I can protect you from many of the things that we have had to go through but I know you will have battles to fight. Hopefully with everything your dad and I teach you will equip you to get through anything life throws at you with grace and understanding. I want to teach you so much. To not care what others think, to do what makes you happy, to be whoever you want to be,to not grow up so fast. Trust me baby, there is plenty of time to be grown up and it's not that much fun. Enjoy being carefree while you can. I hope you and I will have a relationship as good as I do with your Mo, my mum. I pray that no matter what you know I will always be there for you, that you can come to me for anything.
I know our time as one is coming to and end and with every passing day I am torn between so badly wanting to meet you and never wanting this to end. I will miss feeling your kicks but I so desperately want to hold you.
Until your ready to meet the world, I will hold you as part of me and treasure every moment.
I already love you more than the world.
Cannot wait to meet you
Love momma
Beautiful xxx
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete